My loyal Buffeteers,
I have been busy, far too busy as of late to pick up the forks and dig into my local buffets. The summer is over, school and work have begun, and the joy of buffet has taken a backseat to the clockwork of life. A sad truth, but a truth that I will no longer stand for. People out there in buffets are scared and confused. They are not being updated on the latest and greatest of strategic buffeting. Fear not though, I am back. And just in time to save you on your first buffet date.
What better place to take a girl on a first date than a buffet? It involves social interaction and you can learn about her plate organizational styles and buffet type which will tell you more about her than any zodiac reading. So read on Buffeteer, and eat up these seven tips to a successful Buffet First Date.
Tip #1: Be a Gentleman. Sounds like common sense yes, but you still want to establish a good first impression even before she takes her first bite. Come with flowers. Shower beforehand. Tell her she looks great. Pull out her chair for her before she sits down. Keep it Classy, Buffet Diego.
Tip #2: Go to a place you know. Nothing kills a buffet date like a guy who doesn't know the buffet. If you go to a foreign buffet, you are subjecting yourself to the embarrassment of not knowing where the big ticket items, such as crab legs or prime rib, are located.
Tip #3: Get an in with the Hostess. This is not meant at all to be a suggestive interaction with the hostess...that's bad form for a first date. It simply helps if you know the hostess knows you by name--it gives you the heir of a primetime buffeteer. Call beforehand if you don't know the hostess and ask if she can say, "Yes Mr. ________, I'll seat you at our finest table" Most hostesses are willing to do this, and it makes the girl feel special. If she/he is reluctant, tell him/her you will laud them to their manager.
Tip #4: Ask her what she likes. If small talk is all you're getting on the on-set, ask your date what she likes to eat at a buffet. If she says 'a lot', you have a winner. But by her answer you can probably assume her buffet style of El Classico, Aggressor, etc. This way you can recommend a strategic path based on your knowledge of the buffet. Consider yourself her own little mapquest. Plan a recommended route for her. Take charge. Lead the way, buffeteer.
Tip #5: Watch your own plate. Nothing will kill a first date like a plate full of baked beans and sauerkraut. Although you may enjoy these options, think of what musings a girl would have when you have a plate like this. She may have been thinking about that kiss afterwards, but not after seeing you suck down a plate of kraut. Stick to safer items: chicken nuggets, mac n' cheese, green beans for this first date. Save gassy items or items that cause bad breath until after you've sealed the deal.
Tip #6: Wait until she is done with the plate until you go for another plate. Just because you can eat beef with broccoli 6.8 times faster than her doesn't give you an award that allows you to get another plate right away. Use this time when she is still eating to keep the conversation going. Make sure you tell her not to rush. Now is your time to tell her how you fended off a 350 pound man for 2 minutes so your friends could nab the last piece of prime rib. Now is the time to tell her how you once fit eight cherry tomatos in your mouth with ease. Now is to tell her the time you once tried every single item on a buffet line. (include some regular talk too, interests, movies, etc.) But WAIT until she is finished to get your second, third, seventh plate, etc.
Tip #7: Plan a post-buffet activity. The best thing about a buffet, is that afterwards you usually want to go for a walk. Have a park or area that you can go on a walk for. Not only will this help with digestion, but it will also give you more talking time with her. Look at her posture: Are her arms uncrossed? Is she walking close proximity to you? All these will be signs of interest.
So Buffeteer, if you follow these 7 easy tips, you are on your way to successful buffet first date.
Initiate: ROMANCE!!