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Buffepticons, Part One

Buffepticons (n) - Buffet goers who fail to follow Buffet Etiquette (from this point on, known as buffetiquette) and are offenders of the buffet experience through their actions

The Buffepticons. I put this topic so early in my blog because you are bound to come across a Buffepticon during almost any buffet experience. There are proper ways to deal with this abominable buffet species, but for now, I am going to do a two part blog of the different Buffepticons you may encounter.

The Cutter

One of, if not the most common Buffepticon. The cutter is someone who breaks the natural left to right flow of the buffet line so they can 'cut in' and get the one food that they want the most. The Cutters don't realize that the tray of nuggets or fries or green beans is not going to disappear before they reach it, and even if it does then Congratulations! A steaming hot plate is on its way. Some Cutters try to be subtle, sneaking their arm into the line of your buffet path. Others pretend to be your friend for ten seconds while they cut and snag  the coleslaw. My fellow Buffeteers, they are not your friend.



The Finisher
You watch nervously as the alfredo pizza pie at the end of the line is being picked, piece by piece. Across the way the cook just puts a new pie in the oven, it'll be at least fifteen minutes before a fresh one comes out. All of a sudden, Alfredo pizza seems to have become the pizza of the hour, and everyone is getting a slice. You breathe a sigh of relief, there are three pieces of Alfredo pizza left, with only one person in front of you. Unfortunately for you, that person is a Buffepticon, a Finisher. The Finisher takes no mind of the person behind them. Quarter tray of mashed potatos? Gone.  Four pieces of fried chicken? See ya. The Finisher seems to take a tray with less than half the food as a challenge, only to have it go to waste when they are full. Some argue that the Finisher is not a Buffepticon, he or she is just taking part in an "all you can eat" experience. You may agree with those people, until you end up with a Finisher in front of you.

The Hoarder
The Hoarder is a two part enemy in the world of Buffet. The Hoarder hangs around the most popular items when they run out, and then takes enough of that item for themselves...and fourteen of their friends. Say, crab legs for example have just run out. First of all, the Hoarder stands right by the tray of crab legs, interrupting the flow of buffet traffic. Secondly, when the crab legs do finally come, they are as good as gone, as the Hoarder will take no prisoner. This is what separates the Hoarder from the Maximizer. The Maximizer gets their money's worth, but takes into consideration there are other people in the restaurant. The same cannot be said of hoarders.

Stay tuned for Buffepticons, part two!